5 Things I Resent About Being Pregnant

I am not pregnant, just in case you were wondering. Actually I wrote this 6 years ago, when I was just a little bit pregnant with K-dog. Which was not only my first pregnancy,  but when well before I started to blog. This week I was thinking of reviving and old blog post, but this is even better. I wrote this email to a couple of my extra congratulatory childless friends.  The fact that this was 6 years ago (almost exactly) makes it just that much more funny (and tragic).  Things never turn out the way you expect them. A couple of my internet, and real life friends have just had babies, or gotten pregnant. There is always the appeal of the sweet smelling, squishy, little baby... Don't get me wrong, I love my babies, and there are really lots of great things about being a mom. But this is my reality cheack to all of the baby bump envy out there.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Kisha Patterson-Tanski <kisha.lynn@gmail.com>
Date: Thu, Mar 23, 2006 at 6:57 PM
Subject: Five things that I resent about being … well you know… with symbiant, I mean child.

9 weeks into my 2nd pregnancy,
apparently I didn't learn my lesson!

1. I do not like eating and sleeping all the time, especially when I can't tell the people at work why I've suddenly started gaining weight, and putting my head on my keyboard because I'm afraid they'll cheat me out of my well deserved raise. No one seems to understand that I am either hungry or nauseous all the time and therefore feel like I have a tapeworm instead of a baby. Now where are the carrot sticks I hid in my desk?

2. I resent that NO ONE has asked or will ask my husband if he will be returning to work full time.  We both will be parents right? He has much more experience with babies being the oldest of four; I have NEVER changed a diaper.

Finland's Baby Box

I saw this and it brought tears to my eyes. In Finland every baby gets just a few essentials from the government. And while I know that I probably wouldn't have needed it, I received 35 green bodysuits at my baby shower from enthusiastic family and friends, the idea of a country and and a culture that starts out every life with a gift is something special. There is much debate about an the American welfare state on one hand, and even if a woman should be able to have an abortion. I can't settle this debate here, but reading about this made me cry.  What if every child entered this life know that everyone was looking out for him or her, and wanted to make sure that their first few months were at least warm and safe?  Even the box it comes in can double as a bassinet.  Its just the basic hospitality that we  could give a new life.  Most of us have friends or families that do that, or at least the wealth the buy the odd blanket or diaper.

I feel like the Finnish people fully expect each infant recipient of this grant to become and law abiding productive member of society, and imagine that there is the belief that it is the child parents that are held most responsible for this. But why not start off with a well thought out gift that says, "Hey, this is what you might need to get started; we're pulling for your success."  I got a letter stating that my insurance company was charged $2,000 for an anesthesiologist that I never saw.  I felt that our system, and my culture were saying, "Congratulations, you had a baby, now its easier for us to scam you.  Now back to work."  I think we can do that a bit better, and make stronger families and healthier happier children in the end. Its not really about being the "nanny state", it's about investing in the lives of one another.

This is what you'd find in the what's called the Maternity Package can be found here.  What did you get from you're society when you had a baby?

First Day

Today was my sweet girl's first day of school. Well, it was her 'cubby day' so I was actually around for most of the morning. She seem a little unsure for just a moment, maybe a little quiet (for her) at first, but that didn't last.  A bowl of oats, and a few songs and she was getting into the swing of it. At recess she caught up with K., but only played with him for a few minuets. We already know several of the other children because they are our friends kids, and they are my older son's classmates. Not to mention A's naturally outgoing personality. So by the time noon rolled around she was absorbed in play and clearly didn't want to go!

I've always though the point of childhood is to grow out of it. Thank heavens, DS was an easy baby but not A.. She NEVER took a bottle from anyone, rashed up from disposable diapers and was what I call, "sitter resistant" (read 105 Db blood curling cries).  So Until about 15 months,  I was on baby-house-arrest.  Alas It ALL goes by so fast, even the house-arrest parts. Now she's heading out in the world and making her own friends.  K went through all this too but he was not ever so clingy in the first place, or maybe it was that we had a new baby at the time, but it didn't shake me so. Usually at every milestone I tell myself, "Well, its not like s/he's packing for Stanford, it's just XYZ." Every one says, you just blink, and they will be moving out. When they do pack up and launch I'm going to want them to go.

There were some tears as I left the classroom for the hour of no-mommy adjustment, but they were mine. Which got me totally off guard, because I am so happy to see her growing. I don't want her to stay a baby, and, well she isn't.

Laundry

from my local Wegmans

I've been making my own laundry soap. Some combination of sensitive skin and noses in my family means we are very picky about laundry soap. But I never really added it up, as it turns out: $9.36 = FOUR MONTHS of laundry for four with cloth diapers. Click here to visit Kelly's Closet for more about cloth diapers and diaper care.

Our old liquid cost $8-$11 for about 3 weeks worth and DIY means no plastic containers to throw out.
Win

(from my friend Cynthia)

2c washing soda
2c borax
1/3 - 1/2  grated bar of soap (I use Fels-Naptha)

Mix together and use 1 tablespoon per load (yep, that's all 1 tablespoon)

Here's the recipe for liquid in the past but I prefer the powdered just because the prep is easier:

1/2 - 1  grated bar of fels naptha soao

2 cups borax

2 cups washing soda

3.5 gallons of water

Melt grated soap in a pot with about half a gallon of water.....stir until dissolved. Pour into a 5 gallon bucket (or recycle a cat little bucket with lid)

Add borax and washing soda and stir until dissolved. Add the other 3 gallons of water and stir. Once it cools it will look like a white lumpy gel.

Use 1/4 cup per regular load and up to 1/2 cup for extra large loads. It's safe in all washing machines.

One batch costs roughly $3.20 to make and lasts about 6-7 months.
••••••

I understand that you can add a few drops of essential oils if you feel like having a fragrance.

[This post includes an affiliate link, see my PR/Advertising page for more information]

This is what parent toddler does to the toddler

This is what parent-toddler does to a toddler.

On the porch

On the porch
Sunlit but mostly shade
Wind and winds' chime
She sleeps, head tilted
Resting in stroller strap
I drink coffee and list chores
But they can wait

Kisha Lynn Patterson-Tanski
Sent from my iPhone

Mini mice

Before felting & stuffing

It is possible

For a moment, ignore the super cute baby in photo. Take a look at the
baby legging she's wearing. It is possible! I completed a craft. It
was really easy, basically I cut up some knee socks and sew in a
cuff. And presto, we're ready for fall.

Acceptance

Acceptance

I will never be a good speller. Anyone who has known me long enough
to see any of my writing knows that I have never been and will likely
never be a good speller. I nearly had strait A's in 5th grade but I
got a D in spelling. With the aid of computers and a phalanx of
trusted editors I really try to produce readible prose, at least. But
I have accepted this about myself, you will just have to forgive me.

I don't send greeting cards. If you have gotten a hallmark from me
consider yourself in the lucky few. I really do mean well, and even
have a drawer full of blank, birthday, thank you and holiday cards. I
probably bought one for you, but as the apointed time slipped away,
and the event faded into the past, I just felt more and more guilty
about not sending it on time. Ultimately, I just decided to send it
next year because who wants a three month late birthday card anyway. I
do feel really bad about not sending thank you notes, because I do
really appreciate the gifts given to me and my family. Just so you
know I even addressed and stamped the ones for my wedding gifts,
however postage has gone up since then. Thankyou's are particularly
hard for me because they require a little hand writen note, and this
tends to reveal my spelling difficulty. I hereby accept this personal
failing and will stop waisting money on un-sent cards.

As much as I love art, and I live to make beautiful and useful things,
I will never pen a "kids craft" blog, nor pull-off a 100% handmade
Christmas. My craft drawers are full of felt and glitter and I have a
new sewing machine. But for each completed project there are ten half-
knit scarves, un-hemmed curtains, un-ironed iron on, patterns, fabric,
buttons, paper, string and even an embrotery hoop. Who am I kidding?
I do like to try these projects but I don't really have the free time
or attention to detail. I have accepted this about myself. I do still
like to do my little projects but from now on I will enjoy the tatting
away in it's own right because I may never have a whole doylie ever
anyway.

So I will accept these things about me, and stop feeling guilty about
them. If one birthday or hoiday you actually get a hand knitt scarf
with a personal hand written letter from me ... DO NOT send me a
thankyou note, it will just make me feel bad because I'll never sent
yours.

Love,
Imperfect Kisha

Kisha Lynn Patterson-Tanski
Sent from my iPhone

Trees

Trees make the best mobiles! Or maybe this a good reason call her
Skye. I think she'd stay here all day, weather, brother, and diaper
permitting of course.

Dummies

How old-school do I feel. Adeola HATES car rides and usually we just
avoid them, but we'llbe visiting family that lives *gasp* in the
suburb's so I think we may be I'm the car a while. There will also be
an airplane as well. We don't usually don't even give her "dummies"
so I don't know which will agree with her. If anyone wants to know
this represents more than $20 modern, BPA-free, PVC-free, natural
rubber or silcone, orthodontic, pre-teething faux nipple design! So
new that most were not on the market just 30 months ago when Kiran was
born! I think if it was entirely up to me I'd just skip the car rides.

One day

Hopefully we remember
Days of backyard, and bugs
Evenings of diapers and dishes
Sometimes summer ice cream
Anytime peeled apples and yogurt
Sometimes tantrums
Anytime 'I love you's

Kisha Lynn Patterson-Tanski
Sent from my iPhone

Poetry: No Sleep Nights

No sleep nights
Diapers and rocking
Lullaby hum
Nummys milk drool
By moon's light
And the smell that lingers in her hair
I delibrately impress this moment
To the place in memory
So deep and perminent
It may become instinct

iPhone Poetry

Nappies on the line

I just love these color in the sunshine!
Click here to visit Kelly's Closet for more about cloth diapers and diaper care.

[This post includes an affiliate link, see my PR/Advertising page for more information]

Tanski Family Picnic

Check out this video on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsLiXuUSSUI

Kisha Lynn Patterson-Tanski
Sent from my iPhone

Sleep

Sleep
Evades me
I listen to you breathe
And wriggle
You have my attention
When you don't even need it
How silly, I should sleep now
Before you wake up 3am
Hungry
But not cold, I'm sure
I put too many blankets

Kisha Lynn Patterson-Tanski
Sent from my iPhone

Nine days

Nine days
Give or take, until the baby's due. This pregnancy hasn't been what I
expected it to be at all. I knew it would be different from my
first pregnancy, but I thought I'd still know what to expect. I've
gained less weight, felt more healthy over all, less asthma swelling
and leg pain, the baby is bigger, but I'm more anxious about the birth.
I'm getting so excited about meeting this new baby! Every day, I think
that this may be the day. I guess I remember how amazing it was meet
Kiran for the first time. I get amazed by Kiran everyday, he's so
sweet, and smart and I love his imagination.
The next few weeks are going to be a whirlwind, but for some reason I
can't wait!

Kisha Lynn Patterson-Tanski
Sent from my iPhone

I know its been a while

Very much has happened in the last months: Kiran's growing each day, and I've been very busy with work, both very exciting. But the most exciting thing to have happened in the last few months is that I've found out that I'm pregnant again! some part of me is a little surprised that I'm up for it all that again, but I guess so. I'll be 10 weeks pregnant on Tuesday so that will put my due date at May 24th, but you know they should never give you a due date, it more like we'll have a Taurus/ Gemini cusp child. I'll be posting the tummy pictures here and facebook

Black on Black Breastfeeding

So this little video inspired me. There are some videos about women breast feeding but I find that they are either women in the Third World or or First World white women. If African American women don't see themselves doing it, how can they see it as something they can do? Especially young mothers, who don't have any breastfeeding "role" models in their community. (how many times have I seen little babies with red kool-aid in their bottles). When poverty, simple food security, infant mortality, childhood obesity, and maternal mortality have such a hold on the Black community, what can I do to promote some Black on Black Breastfeeding? My friends already call me an "lactivst" but I'm inspired to make a short video of my experiences nursing my son. He's so healthy, happy and smart, and I know nursing is a big part of that. I've got to pass it on.

K. always amazes me

Every day he amazes me more and more. He was probably a bit young to start talking (but a bit late walking) and now he says so much. Everyday he uses new word and talks more clearly. Of course I'm really proud of my son, because he my son. I see him becoming more of a "big boy" and the last of his baby-ness is fading. Its not the big milestones that point this out to me, its always the nuances, and subtle differences that startles me the most. He's not as helpless, or needy as he used to be. He feed himself, and amuses himself with his imagination. His temper tantrums even tell me how he has his own wants and opinions (even if they can be inconvenient for us). I adore him so much, and he's so cute too. I love you K-dog!